continues to suck and I’m not sure why. The last two days have been very bleak, very dark, very lonely, very . . . I don’t know. The words for this moment do not come and I’m left feeling very incapacitated.

I know very much that there is a lot that I need to do. I have L-school outlines to prepare and ton of other stuff going on, but for whatever reason I can’t engage to get the stuff done. It all just feels so pointless, so worthless to me. — I guess this is probably not what my readers came here to read but it helps me to say so there.

Most of all I feel very spiritually bereft. I’ve tried to pray several times over the last few days but it seems like the words are going no where. They fall to the floor and lie there in their pathetic worthlessness. The words seem hollow, insincere and pathetic. I can’t see why God would want to hear what I have to say to him, yet I’m not hearing him say anything back so why am i beating myself up over the insincerity of my prayers.

I don’t know. I’ve said enough for now. I’m just saying what is on my mind as stupid as it sounds.